Sandra Moon in Belfast

Back to the daily grind

2006-04-25T14:46:00.000+01:00

I'm at work right now, and I have to be at the afterschool's club in just a couple minutes, but I thought I'd update my blog really quickly....

My mom and Kay left for home yesterday. The 1.5 weeks we had together was truly amazing though. We spent a week in Grand Canary, and I am convinced that the island is paradise on earth. Most of the time was spent at the beach, but we also made time for a jeep safari to the central region of the island, a camel trek through a small desert oasis in a mountain valley, and a boat ride to see dolphins and sea turtles. The weather was perfect--right around 80 degrees, sunny everyday, little to no humidity, and gentle sea breeze. I don't think I've ever had such a relaxed, stress free week as that. It was hard to leave!! The only annoying (yet funny) part of the trip is that I got sun poisoning! Even with sunblock of spf 50, my skin was shocked by all the sun after living in Belfast the past 8 months!

When we got back to Belfast, we had a packed 2 days. My friends Alison and Ricky took us up to the north coast of Northern Ireland to the Giant's Causeway. It was the first time I had been up there even though it's nearby, and what an amazing site it is to see! Sunday I took them to my church where they got to meet my wonderful church family, then we went to lunch at the home of the Vine Centre's director. Directly after, we took a bus to Dublin, where we spent a few hours touring around at night. We went to my favorite tourist pub, the Arlington House, where we sang along to traditional Irish songs and watched some Irish riverdancing. At 4.30am, I said goodbye to mom and Kay from the hotel room, then at 8am, I took a bus back to Belfast, and jumped back into my normal routine. Whew! I'm exhausted.

Time really goes by so fast. The 10 days we had together is already a memory. The weeks ahead hold their own adventures, and I'm excited for them to come my way.

Waiting is a hard thing to do

2006-04-13T01:34:00.000+01:00

So it's 1.30am, and I can't sleep. My mom and older sister Kay are arriving in Belfast tomorrow afternoon!!! It's been eight months since I've seen any of my family, and right now I'm soooo excited, yet nervous at the same time! I don't know why I'm nervous since it's my family, but I am. Odd. I want them to like where I live. Like my friends here. Like where I work. Like any changes that have occured within me. I know their visit will be a truly happy one, and I'm just so anxious to show them where I've been living and working this year. I want them to be here now! The day has seemed so long, and I know the hours will drag by tomorrow until their arrival.

While they're here, we'll spend a couple days in Belfast, head off to the Canaries for a week, then spend another 2 days in Belfast before they fly home out of Dublin. I need sun and warm weather--the trip to the Canaries is vital for my health. I can't take much more rain, wind, or cold weather. I need a break from Belfast.

I wish you all a very happy Easter. I pray for the safety of all those traveling this week, and ask that you keep me and my family (especially my poor dad who'll be all alone for 2 weeks!) in your prayers as well.

Is it spring yet?

2006-03-23T00:17:00.000Z

Ok, so I have become horrible at blogging. I don't even feel like posting right now, but if I don't force myself to, it'll never get done....

I stumbled across a metaphor for life while sitting on the toilet the other day. I was thinking how the Thorndale House has improved since I first arrived. We got our ceiling re-finished after the New Year, and very recently the shower in the boys' bathroom has been fixed, after months of complaining to the landlords. While on the toilet, I was thinking about how nice it felt that those problems were solved when I started looking around my bathroom and identified some new problems--namely the paint peeling off the ceiling, and the door handle falling apart every time you go to open it. Just when problems are solved and things seem to be going right, something else always goes wrong.

That's how I feel at this moment. Things at the church seem to be going great, then BAM, I find out that one of the youth fellowship kids stole £20 from my wallet. Things at the Vine seem to be getting better now that we have an afterschools club coordinator and our centre director is back, then BAM, one of the management staff is asked to resign. Why can't things be perfect for more than a few days at a time? I guess that's the way life works.

While it may seem that I've grown a bit pessimistic or cynical during my time here in Belfast, I assure you that I'm the same old Sandra, just with eyes opened wider to the world around me.

So where do I go from here? While most of you reading this should know my plans for next year via the wonders of facebook, myspace, or by word of mouth, I'll be spending the next five years of my life in Louisville, Kentucky. I'll be doing a dual degree program getting my Master of Divinity through Louisville Presbyterian Theological Seminary and my Juris Doctor (law degree) from University of Louisville Brandeis School of Law. The great news is that I got a huge scholarship from the seminary that will basically cover all my tuition, and I got a smaller scholarship to the law school which will also help a lot. I get the question "what are you going to do with that?" from a lot of people. The answer is that I'm not sure yet, and am open to go where I feel called the most. Right now, however, I'm considering either family law, and I'd also be very interested in working for the PC(USA) headquarters. Like I said though, I'm up for anything...I have at least five years to decide, right? I am truly thankful and excited for the opportunities that lay ahead of me.

All that being said, I'm trying hard to concentrate on the here and now to make the most of the time I have left in Belfast, but that is easier said than done........

Sorry for the delay!

2006-02-27T22:06:00.000Z

Wow, so it's been quite a long time since I last blogged. I guess I need to fill you in on my life for the past 2.5 months...

December: My first Christmas away from home was the best it could have been. While I missed my family and the traditions we share each holiday season, I was surrounded by joy and love from the friends I've made here. So many people gave me cards and gifts, and being so far from home made each token of friendship that much more meaningful. I also had some friends visit during the holidays, and it was wonderful being able to eat Christmas dinner with familiar faces around the table. The day after Christmas, my friends and I embarked on a 2 week excursion around Europe. We went to Dublin, Prague, Rome, London and Paris. Traveling was wonderful, but I was happy to return to Belfast. I think being happy to return speaks to my feeling of home in this once very foreign city.

January: After my friends left, it was back to the daily grind of my life as a YAV. I found January to be a very difficult month overall. Many times, I was overcome by feelings of extreme loneliness and a longing to be home. I was told by my site coordinator, Doug, that it was very normal to be feeling this way. After the hype of the holidays, the calm that follows can be unnerving.

February: Just when I thought January would never end, February finally came (and now it's gone!) The days grow visably longer (in November, the sun started setting at 3:30pm!!), and the extra sunshine each day continues to fill my soul with hope for spring. Highlight of the month: YAV retreat to Donegal. If you haven't seen my pictures yet, please take a look and see the magical place we went to. The whole trip, I was struck with awe at the beauty of God's creation. (Photos are in the Feb 06 album).

Right now, I've hit another rough patch on the road. Just when I was starting to truly feel encouraged about the youth at the church, several events have happened to bring about feelings of discouragement. Without going into much detail, there has been a suicide attempt, signs of alcohol abuse, and dangerous relationships that have been made--all by girls who are 14-15 in age. It is hard to act as a mentor or spiritual guide in times such as this that try my own faith. It is easy to say that God is struggling alongside these youth and crying for them. I do believe this in my heart, but at the same time, I am angry with God. These youth have already led very difficult lives....why can't they just get a break?

All I can ask right now is for your prayers. Prayers for God to give me patience and strength as I continue to build relationships with these youth, but more importantly, prayers for the youth--that they find God amidst their struggles and allow room for God's grace to shape and transform their lives.

Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat...

2005-12-14T22:22:00.000Z

(But unlike you non-veggies out there, I wouldn't eat those poor birds, I'd make them my friends and set them free. I'll save the plight of animals for another post though...)

Anywho....this post is about Christmas!!! I have been celebrating Christmas for the past three weeks. It all began with a trip with the senior citizens to Santa's Cottage, which, contrary to popular belief, is located in Newry, Northern Ireland, not the North Pole, and the festivities keep coming! Today, I had two celebrations. The mums and toddlers group had their Christmas party in the morning, and it was wonderful. Babies really are amusing. Trying to play pass the parcel and musical chairs proved to be quite difficult with the one and two year olds who found more interest playing with the lint off the floor. Best part of the day: Santa came to visit, and upon his entrance, one of the wee girls screamed, ran to the corner and burst out in tears. She and half of the other toddlers refused to get their picture taken with Santa, whom they apparently found very frightening. I'm sure the trauma they faced has already been forgotten, but the humour they brought to my holiday season will be remembered for a long time. My second holiday celebration was an afternoon carol service at the Vine. I played clarinet, and I was amazed at myself how much I enjoyed playing. (Especially since I received the music two hours before the service and had to transpose it and practice it within that time.)

Things I'm missing this holiday season:
-Candles in church (which are too 'Catholic' for Crumlin Rd)
-Hymns I'm familiar with (there are some similar hymns, but even those have different words from what I'm used to)
-Snow
-My family

Some sorrows...

2005-12-09T09:17:00.000Z

In this Advent season, I have much to be joyful about...too much, in fact, that I don't think I could list all my blessings. Instead, I'd like to share some of my sorrows because they are few, but need prayer.

1) Some of the children from the Vine Afterschool's Club have taken a permanent leave from the program since funding has been cut and fees have been instituted. I miss their funny comments and beautiful smiles that literally filled my heart with joy. I pray that they are able to find new safe spaces to socialize with other children now that the Vine is longer able to be that place for them.

2) Mary, the cook I work with for the senior citizens' lunch club, will no longer hold that position after Christmas. She has acted like a mother to me always making sure that I am well-fed and that I'm not working too hard. While I will still be able to see her since she will be teaching cooking classes at the Vine, I am sad that I won't be working with her directly. I also pray that they are able to find a replacement cook who can put as much love into the food as she did.

3) Today I found out that Jean, a woman who comes to the lunch club and is also a member of Crumlin Pres, has cancer. She was first diagnosed with cancer in her liver and back a fews years ago and has underwent chemotherepy and radiation therepy. Yesterday, however, she found out that the cancer in her back is still present, and that it is now spreading to her kidneys. When I heard that news, tears welled up in my eyes. I don't know Jean very well, but through the contact I've had with her, I know that she is a truly kind woman. At the lunch clubs, she is always the first to help me clean up--something no other senior does, and something I don't expect anyone to do since it is my responsibility. She is always one of the first to greet me and always makes my presence feel welcome and appreciated. I know that God is watching over her, and I pray that the coming treatments will be successful and cause as little pain and discomfort as possible.

I'm dreaming of a white Thanksgiving

2005-11-24T22:13:00.000Z

What an interesting Thanksgiving this has been. I went to bed last night a little sad knowing that I would spend my first Thanksgiving away from home while my sisters and parents would be home in Toledo celebrating together. It also made me sad knowing that I had to work the the next day from 11am until 9 or 10pm. When I woke up this morning, however, I never would have imagined that I would be surprised with this nasty thing called food poisoning. Yes. How ironic that on a day of feasting I would suffer from an illness that causes nausea upon the mere thought of food.

My day, however, did make positive progress. I slept most of the precious few daylight hours away, but when I awoke, I felt much better--to the point where I had an appetite, although the fear of eating was still there. As the evening wore on, however, I felt stronger and I was able to have a solid dinner.

The best part of the day: 10pm. Snow. Yes my friends, it is snowing in Belfast, and not just fluffy rain, I mean excellent packing snow. Chris, Kirk and I took advantage of the weather, and ran around outside throwing snowballs at the wee kiddos that live on our street. After a quick hot chocolate break, the boys are at it again, only this time they are throwing snowballs out of the third story window. Unfair advantage over the little lads? Yes. Funny? Yes times ten.

I am so thankful for my year here in Belfast. I'm especially thankful for the friends I have made and the memories we continue to create together. My friends here have become my surrogate family, and I am thankful to God that I have them this holiday season.

(If you're wondering, I will have a proper Thanksgiving dinner on Saturday evening with all the YAVs at our site coordinator Doug's house:)

A visit from the Dalai Lama

2005-11-23T11:44:00.000Z

I never imagined that during my time in Belfast, I would shake hands with His Holiness the Dalai Lama. Yesterday, I did. As part of his 3-day visit to Belfast, he took part in an interfaith service focused on peace, meditation, and prayer at St. Anne's Cathedral. The service began with traditional Irish hymns, then after a brief welcome, there were prayers offered from the Buddhist, Muslim, Bahai, Sikh, Hindu, Jewish, and Christian traditions. The Dalai Lama then spoke about the power of prayer, and also about peace in general. While he is Buddhist, he says that he deeply respects the Christian faith. (I think many Christians could learn a lesson or two from this universal peace figure.) The service ended with a 10-minute silent meditation followed by chants from both Benedictine Monks and a group of Buddhists. The entire experience was amazing. It was so moving to see such a diverse crowd fill the entire sanctuary of the Cathedral to hear of message of peace, love and cooperation. I believe in my heart that the large number of attendees speaks to the hope and desire for reconciliation that lives among those in Belfast.

The Greatest Commandment

2005-11-20T17:36:00.000Z

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, body and soul, and you should love your neighbor as yourself."

I think Christians as a whole often forget the greatest commandment. Some churches are too focused on "saving" people that they neglect to do what is most important--loving others. How are Christians supposed to show their love? I believe that it is through compassion and action. Today I had to give a mini pre-sermon message on compassion towards third world countries. I told some of y'all that I'd post it on my blog, so here it is:

Proverbs 3:27-28--"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor 'come back later, I'll give it tomorrow' when you now have it with you.

Millions of people in Malawi are at risk of starvation following the poorest harvest there in a decade. Some villages in Guatemala are being declared massive graves after Hurricane Stan devestated the country. 54,000 people were killed in the earthquake that struck Kashmir, and those who survived are still at great risk. In Niger, more than 2.4 million people face food shortages after locusts and drought destroyed last year's crops (that's 8x the population of Belfast!).

Anyone who hears news such as this can feel sorry for those affected, but as Christians, sympathy is not enough. Rick Ufford-Chase, moderator of the Presbyterian Church (USA) offered this quote: "You do not hear the word of God until you act on it." In the New Testament, Jesus calls us to love each other and serve each other. Knowing this, we cannot live a passive faith. Our faith must be one of action, filled with love and compassion for all, especially towards those who are in need.

Advent, the season of waiting and preparation is approaching. While most of us here are preparing for Christmas celebrations and presents, take a moment to think about what those in Malawi, Niger, Guatemala, Kashmir, and other third world countries are waiting and praying for--hope, food, water, shelter, and peace.

We must show our compassion to these people, our brothers and sisters, in need. It is our duty as Christians. If we are able to give resources, we must. If resources are not available, pray for them daily, and try to raise awareness of their needs to others. "Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to act. Do not say to your neighbor, 'come back later, I'll give it tomorrow' when you now have it with you."

Workaholics and pubs

2005-11-15T17:38:00.000Z

"Sandra, take a tea break. Stop working so much."
I hear those words frequently. I am a workaholic. I think Americans in general are workaholics. It has been difficult for me to adjust to the laid back work attitude of the people I work with. Within an average work day, there will be 3-4 breaks for tea and biscuits, totaling approximately one hour each day. I used to think that they were wasting precious time that could be devoted to work, but my views are slightly changing. While I have yet to adjust from my personal work-obsessed ways, I am beginning to appreciate attitudes of my co-workers. It is nice to think that work isn't all about actually working, but that part of the job experience is to build relationships with the people you work with. It's much easier to get to know someone while chatting over a spot of tea than while busily working on various tasks.

Another difference: drinking. That may be a statement of the obvious since the Irish have a notorious reputation when it comes to alcohol, but to be honest, I quite enjoy the pub culture here. At home, bars have a seedy reputation. Here, pub life is huge, but has a very different feel than in the US. For example, while American bars are usually filled with adults whose only goal is to get drunk, my co-workers and I will schedule our meetings at pubs. And at the end of a hard work week, there is nothing better than to go to a traditional Irish pub to enjoy good conversation, live music, and a frosty pint in the warm company of the other PC(USA)volunteers. [I am primarly addressing this because someone commented that a lot of my pictures are taken in pubs. Happy Mom? :)]

Random Pieces of Info

2005-11-10T18:05:00.000Z

I have had tonsillitis for the past four days. Luckily, it no longer hurts to swallow. Thank God for penicillin. I woke up Sunday morning basically in tears because my throat was in so much pain. Unfortunately, I have been lazy and haven't registered with the National Health Service yet, which is a must to get free health care and health care in general in the UK. Luckily my site coordinator Doug was able to get me into an after hours clinic to see a general practicioner, and I got the prescription I needed.

I took the entire day off of work, and spent the next three days getting lots of rest. The timing of my illness couldn't have been better (I'm trying to think positively). Monday through Wednesday, all the YAVs from Belfast went on a retreat to the Crom Estate in Fermannagh. It is a site owned by the National Trust and is about two hours south of Belfast. On the estate, there are sheep, donkeys, cottages, castle ruins, a lake, a new castle (that is privately owned, lucky people!), and miles of trails for walking. I spent most of my time resting and sleeping, but I was able to take in some of the natural beauty that surrounded us.

I feel like I have not been on a regular schedule since before I went to Glasgow. I found myself eager to go to work today. I missed the children I work with, and that is a great feeling to know that I enjoy what I do and who I work with so much that I miss them. What saddened me today, however, was that some of my favorite children at afterschools are no longer going to be attending as of this week. Due to funding cuts, parents now have to pay to send their children to the afterschools clubs, and some of the families are unable to afford it.

I leave you with two cute/funny things the children said today:
Cameron: "When I grow up, I want to be a dragon."
Georgiana: "Do you know who I want to marry when I'm grown? My doggy."

Some realizations...

2005-11-03T00:31:00.000Z

A strange thing has happened. I'm not even sure when it happened, but I just realized it within the past few days. The Northern Irish accent is no longer foreign. It is now what sounds normal. I even find little words naturally creeping into my vocabulary when I'm around the natives. Wee. Och (pronounced ock). Cheers. Cheerio.

While it has been over two months since I've arrived, I am also realizing that I have not even scratched the surface of the Protestant/Catholic division. Yesterday, my friend Deborah came over to my house, and, being a Protestant, she was seriously scared of being in a Catholic neighborhood. When another friend began speaking about the UDA and UDF (two Prot. paramilitary groups), she told him to quiet down. She was afraid that someone outside would overhear them and know that they are not Catholic.

Tonight my friend Noel came over. We got to talking about Belfast, and what it was like for him to grow up here. Noel has lived his whole life in north Belfast. Growing up, he admits that he got mixed up with the wrong people. He has scars resulting from some run-ins with Catholic boys. He knows the paramilitary leaders in his neighborhood. His cousin got into trouble with the paramilitaries--as his punishment, he had to tell them where he wanted to be shot. The result: one bullet in each leg, and weeks in crutches as he recovered. When Noel was younger, he beat up a Catholic boy who he now avoids at all costs because he is a leader of a Catholic paramilitary group. Upon meeting Noel, however, you would never imagine the life he's had. For one, he is young--only 21. He is very sweet, extremely well mannered, funny, and all around very sociable. Hearing his stories made my jaw drop. I never would have imagined that he played a role in sectarian violence.

I have also realized an important part of why I am here. Something as simple as having friends over can be transforming. My Protestant friends who may have avoided Catholic neighborhoods at all costs are stepping outside of their comfort zones to accept my hospitality. The best part is that they are not just coming over once--they are returning to my house time and time again, and each time, I think the unfounded hatred and fear in their hearts begin to ease.

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

2005-10-31T18:50:00.000Z

Happy Halloween.
Today for the most part was a cold, dark, rainy day. Gloomy is the word that describes it best. In the afternoon when the rain subsided, however, I looked at the sky only to see a glorious rainbow amidst the dark forboding clouds. To me, it was a reminder that God is present even when times may seem bleak. Knowing that brought a smile to my face.

That being said, I had an amazing weekend. My roomie from orientation, Sarah Kleinsmith, came to visit, and what fun we had!
Thurs: Went to dinner at Margaret Bill (a wonderful lady from church)'s home. Dinner was followed by midweek Bible study, and a night walk around and inside Belfast castle with Alison Harte.
Fri: Went to see Miss Saigon (free tickets compliments of the Vine Centre!). The show was beyond amazing. Afterwards, we had a Halloween get together at the Thorndale house. It was just some of us volunteers, plus three of my church friends, but event was good craic (which in Belfast terms means good fun).
Sat: Alison took Sarah and I to Newcastle, where we hiked up the Mourne Mountain. It was really cold, windy, and very rainy, but the hike was incredible. It's as if the weather only added to the mysterious feel of the mountains. It was great to get away from the city and see God's divinity in the beautiful creation that surrounded us.

Blessings: Alison Harte is my God-sent guardian angel in Belfast. (She is the daughter of the previous minister at Crumlin Rd. Pres). She reminds me a lot of Kay, very caring, fun, and a good big sis type. She has made me feel so at home and at ease. I am truly blessed to have her as a friend here.

Struggles: As someone who is liberal all around, including in theology, I am struggling with the views of the church because they are what I would consider very conservative. While I have been tempted many times to challenge their views, I know that I am here not to impose my beliefs on others, but to serve the congregation where they need me. The struggle has been good, however, in that it challenges me to really value and respect beliefs other than my own. I know that in the end, our differences in thought are not significant--we are all equal before God.

Pictures are updated in my Oct. 2005 album. Enjoy!

You can take the girl out of Glasgow, but you can't take the Glasgow out of the girl...

2005-10-23T00:15:00.000+01:00

Tuesday through today, I was in Glasgow, Scotland, visiting old friends and reliving old memories. During the spring-summer of my sophomore year in university, I studied abroad at Glagow Uni, and absolutely fell in love with the city and with Scotland as a whole. I have described to people that when I left Scotland, I left a piece of my hear there. I have been dreaming of the day I would return for the past two+ years, and it finally became a reality.

There is something so magical about the city. There is a great student atmosphere. The shopping is amazing. The restaurants serve a great variety of food that is to die for. Most importantly, however, the friendships I made during my 7 months there have created fun memories that will last a lifetime. It was such a blessing to catch up with so many of them--to see how some have matured for the better, and how others have stayed the same incredible people I knew them to be. It was another blessing to be able to go out, dance, and unwind after a stressful few weeks of work. My holiday to such a personally special and important place came at just the right time.

I'm Melting!

2005-10-17T22:51:00.000+01:00

Funny story of the day...
I'm at Remixers (the youth drop-in at the church) and I'm running the craft table. Tonight's craft: clay beads. The idea was to get the wee girls to make pretty beads, bake them, then make necklaces. All was going smoothly until I went to take the beads out of the oven. Note to self--modeling clay does not equal baking clay. When I went to take them out, I saw that they had all melted forming this massive gooey blob of lovely colors. It was hilarious though, and luckily none of the girls were too bothered. I just can't get the image out of my head of the girls' reaction when I told them that sadly, their beads had died. Hah.

In other news, today I had dinner with Cliff Kirkpatrick, the Clerk of Session of the General Assembly. In Presby world, he's one of the head honcho's of the national church. He was with two other men who are involved with the PC(USA)'s Northern Ireland outreach team. All three were cool guys, especially since they brought us some good ole American peanut butter. The PB here just isn't the same.

God, Give Me Patience

2005-10-16T23:12:00.000+01:00

Tonight I completely blew up at one of the youth. I am going to call this boy "Tom," and he has been a trouble maker for the past several weeks. These are the events of the evening pre and post erruption:

1. "Tom," who comes to Youth Fellowship (YF) but not to church, actually came to the evening service tonight because it was a praise service led by some of the youth. While it was great to see him come to worship, he unfortunately constantly interrupted it by talking, laughing, answering his phone, and walking in and out of the sanctuary. Needless to say, he angered many members of the congregation. I was embarassed for myself and the other YF leaders because of his behavior.
2. "Tom" thought it would be a good idea after the service to smash raw eggs on his friend's head as a birthday treat, in the church. After I saw him smash the first one, I told him to stop. Instead of listening to me, however, he continued smashing eggs, getting them all over the church floor.
3. I totally lost my cool and yelled at him. I think I said something along the following--"How old are you? Do you know where you are right now? Yeah, that's right, in a church. You do not act like this in a church!!!!!" Now, it's usually very hard to get me riled up to a point where my face is turning red and I am yelling, but at that moment, my built up frustrations with that boy could be contained no longer.
4. "Tom" and his friends were spoken to by other leaders and adults about their behavior, and also about the fact that they broke into the cabinet earlier in the week and stole food from the little shop we have in the church for Monday night drop-ins.
5. Youth Fellowship itself actually goes well compared to the last few weeks. I thought there was hope yet.....
6. The hope dies. Afterwards "Tom" and his friends (all 13-15) stand outside the church drinking alcohol, waiting for another boy to come out so they can beat him up. They are told to go home immediately.
7. After having a post-YF leaders meeting and tidying up the church, we come out to see that "Tom" and his friends have thrown their beer bottles against the church door and walls, so we have to clean up all the broken glass.

While my anger took control of me tonight, I keep trying to tell myself not to judge the youth too harshly. The area they live in is rough, and I have no idea what their lives at home are like. Maybe they have abusive, alcoholic, or neglective (is neglective a word, or did I make that up?) parents. Their behavior has to be a result of something pervasive, some deep pain inside of them.

At times like this, all I can ask for is God to give me patience, strength, and love in my heart for these youth who are so misguided, rebellious, destructive, and at this moment to me personally, very unloveable.

Fatigue

2005-10-11T20:26:00.000+01:00

I am tired. The tired feeling is not due to a lack of sleep. It's a deep-in-the-bones fatigue. I think all the work I've been doing plus the hidden stress of moving and settling in has finally caught up with me.

I thought the first few weeks here would be the most difficult settling in and all, but I have been proven wrong. As time has gone on, I have found the number of my committments growing, and the amount of my free time diminishing. New projects: leading a girls' choir Monday evenings & helping with a Mothers and Toddlers group Wednesday mornings. If you know me well, you'll know both are quite funny since 1) I don't do the singing in public thing, and 2) I definitely don't do the baby thing.

Greatest current frustration: Sunday and Monday nights with the youth at the church. Individually, all the youth are lovely. Mix them all together in a group of 20+, and they pull a Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. They speak, no scream, over one another. They throw objects across the room (I have my first battle wound--a bruise on my wrist). They hurl insults at one another. They don't listen. Even with 4+ leaders in the room, it is impossible to control them.

I came here knowing this year would be difficult. I am still very happy overall and do look forward to going to work most days. I am, however, struggling at the same time.

Birthday Blessings!

2005-10-02T13:55:00.000+01:00

Today is my 23rd birthday, and what a marvelous one it has been! Last night, I went to dinner at The Apartment--this trendy restaurant/bar right in the city centre--and to The Duke of York pub afterwards with my YAV friends. I had such a fun time, and the gifts they gave me were so thoughtful! I got CDs, this teddy bear that holds a hot water bottle to keep me warm at night (long story short...I get really cold at night and I thought a hot water bottle disguised in a stuffed animal would be a great invention, and to my surprise, I'm obviously not the only person in the world who thought about it!), and as a gag gift, the boys got me an apron since I'm always cooking. I was gonna go out and buy an apron sometime this week, so their funny gift turned out to be perfect! Thanks to all my friends and family from back home who have also sent me birthday wishes!! I love you all!

Today at church, they announced it was my birthday and the entire congregation sang to me. Isn't that wonderful? Freddie, this extremely friendly old man who's always at the church even bought me a cake. I felt so loved at the church!

Oky doke....birthday blessings aside, I really feel that I am becoming a member of the community I live and work in, and it is a great feeling that gives me a sense of home. When I walk to and from work, I recognize people on the streets. I have people to say hello to. I have people that are eager to see and talk to me. It is a wonderful feeling to be known in a city that is still in many ways, so foreign.

Apologies

2005-09-26T22:10:00.000+01:00

My apologies to anyone who keeps up with this blog--I know I haven't written in a while, and this post will not be of any real substance. All I want to say for now is that I'm beginning to build relationships with the youth I work with, and I really value that. Also, if you notice on my blog, I finally figured out how to put links on my page. Please check out my photos sometime--I did update those recently! The PC(USA) website is where you will find my formal letters that will also be mailed out to all my sponsors (I haven't written it yet). You can also read letters from all the other YAVs. Supercool. Check it out later when there are more posts. I'll write more about what I've been up to as soon as I have more time to sit and think about it.

Wake up call

2005-09-12T19:25:00.000+01:00

These past few days have really been a wake up call. On Saturday, the Orange Order (Protestants) held a parade that had been postponed since this summer. They wanted to march down a specific road that is a Protestant/Catholic interface, so to avoid conflict, the Parade Commission said they were not allowed to march there. There were protests to that decision all last week, but the Commission would not reconsider, which resulted in several riots across the city on Saturday. From what I've heard from members of my church, it is the worst violence the city has seen in years. It is surprising that the violence was not between Catholics and Protestants, but rather the Protestants against the police because they feel they are not being treated fairly by the government. Police cars were attacked with bricks, tires, bottles, and even gunfire. Cars and buses were hijacked and set on fire. Many police and civilians have been injured. It is a very scary and sad situation.

Today I was in the city centre shopping, and the police issued warnings that there were to be more uprisings, so the shops closed early and everyone, myself included, was in a mad rush to get home and stay out of harm's way. The situation right now seems unreal, and I can't really comprehend all that is going on. I want to assure everyone, however, that I am safe, and my supervisors will make sure that I stay safe.

Please keep the people of Belfast in your prayers.

A little heat....

2005-09-07T11:09:00.000+01:00

I don't know if it's made any headlines in the States, but in the past couple days, there have been riots in the area where I work. Just wanted to assure everyone that I am safe, and that people I work with will give me rides home until things calm down a bit. The crazy thing is that many of the youth I work with were involved with the riots, and they don't think anything of it! They think it's just exciting to be a part of them. Without hesitation, they openly talked about how they were throwing crates, bottles, potted plants, fence gates, and other things at the police tanks. Some of their friends that were as young as 14 got arrested. A little girl I work with at the afterschools clubs injured her arm when the police shot water cannons at them. (I'm not sure what a water cannon is, but I'm assuming its something like a fire hose). It's just hard for me to imagine that this is a way of life for some people.

First Day of Work

2005-09-06T17:30:00.000+01:00

Well folks, today has been my first day of work, and it has been wonderful! I'm still working at the Vine Centre right now....I got here at 9:30, and I don't leave until 9:00pm. Loooong day, yes, but a fun one, definitely. I started the morning getting a tour of the centre, then afterwards I helped prepare and serve lunch to a group of senior citizens that meets every Tuesday and Thursday.. Afterwards, I helped in the afterschools clubs. I work with children ages 4-11, helping them do their homework, and just playing with them. Some of them are really wild, but others are so sweet. It's the same mix you'd get with any kids. I wasn't sure if I'd enjoy working with younger kids, but I truly enjoyed it! I'm looking forward to meeting new ones tomorrow!

My work schedule will be intense. I work at the Vine Tuesdays and Wednesdays noon-9pm, and Thursdays noon-5pm. I work a the church Sundays, Mondays, Thursday evenings, and Fridays, but I'm not sure about the specific times. The potential number of hours I could be working each week seem daunting, but I'm actually looking forward to it. There's so much to be done, and since I don't have to worry about school this year, I have plenty of time to do it!

We'll see if I feel the same a month from now though......

An Amazing City

2005-09-04T15:17:00.000+01:00

Belfast as a city is very diverse, not in terms of population, but in terms of environment. The city centre is a lively mix of Victorian buildings and modern architecture. The north area where I live is a impoverished area with many closed shops and run down buildings where kids as young as 3 years old can be seen running around the streets even late at night. A couple streets from my house is the Shankill area that has seen most of the violence during the troubles. "Peace walls" separate Protestant areas from Catholic areas, and murals all over the city depict masked men with guns or memorialize "heros" that were killed from both sides. And yet, in the near distance, there are beautiful green hills that bring serenity to the area as a whole. Belfast is not the best place I've ever been, but it is perhaps the most amazing. Walking down the street, I am haunted by images of the city's violent past, witness to the divided present, and hopeful for a future of reconciliation and peace.

Coming here, I was expecting conflict between Catholics and Protestants. What I didn't expect was the growing conflict between Protestants and Protestants. Protestant paramilitary groups (the two largest being the Ulster Volunteer Force and the Loyalist Volunteer Force) are now threatening and fighting each other, which is dividing friends and families. The problems here are much more complex than I had imagined, and I have yet to fully comprehend what is going on.

Finally Here!!!

2005-09-01T08:46:00.000+01:00

After about 3 years of discerning, planning, and waiting, I finally arrived in Belfast 3 days ago!!! We had an adventure at OHare when my roommate Chris found out while he was checking in that his ticket has been cancelled, so he was separated from the group and had to take a separate flight out. We met up at Heathrow though and traveled to Belfast as one happy family.

We are currently all staying at the house I will permanently live in. When I get more time, I'll put pictures of it up on my yahoo site. The house is in a decent area--a little run down, but not as bad as I imagined it would be. The house itself is wonderful. It has been well loved over the years and has lots of character, not to mention that for only 3 volunteers, it's huge!!! I feel like there's enough room for the 7 of us to live here permanently! I'm living in a large bedroom on the second floor. (That might change, but I hope it doesn't!). Chris has the smaller bedroom next to mine, and Kirk has the third floor all to himself. I thought that this would be a tough year of simple living, but I think I'll have to find that simplicity outside of my home b/c they have really set up a nice place for us here!!!

Yesterday I got to see the places I'll be volunteering. Let's just say that while the neighborhoods that they are located in are quite dodgy, I am SOOOOOO excited to start working. I begin work on Tuesday, and until then, we have more orientation. We're going around to the rest of the volunteer sites, then we'll be doing basic things like opening bank accounts and registering with the local physicians.

That's about all for now! :)

Photo Link

2005-08-29T16:04:00.000+01:00

Here's a link to my photos...I'll try to add pictures every couple weeks.
http://photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

Food For Thought...

2005-08-28T03:47:00.000+01:00

"You do not truly understand the word of God unless you act on it"

What responsibilities does that place on us? It was a quote that Rick Ufford-Chase (PCUSA Moderator) gave us during one of our orientation lectures. (By the way, Rick is incredible. If you don't know about the work he's done in border ministries, check up on it. We are lucky to have such a man leading the Presby church). Anyways, I don't feel like writing much. Just thought it is something good to think about.

Orientation/A reality check!

2005-08-25T14:04:00.000+01:00

I wasn’t looking forward to orientation. I just wanted to get settled into my life in Belfast. I didn’t realize before this week how much I would need orientation—how much I need to converse with others who can understand what I am facing, and spend some time in quiet solitude to fully grasp how this next year will transform me in ways yet unknown.

I’m here on the campus of McCormick Seminary with about 70 other volunteers, half from the PC(USA) church, and half from the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America. Although we came together as practically strangers, in just a few days together we feel as if we’ve known each other all our lives. It’s so comforting to be with people who fully understand our reasons for leaving behind family and friends and putting a hiatus on our lives here in the States to embark on this journey. For me personally, it’s also been a blessing to talk freely and openly about my own faith beliefs. I found that growing up, my beliefs have often been so “liberal” compared to my family and friends that I found it difficult or frustrating to try to share them. Being here and sharing faith stories with the other volunteers has been so liberating. (If you’re curious about my specific faith story and beliefs, I’d be more than willing to share them with you—just email me)

Okay, so a lot of people have asked, or might have wanted to ask, what exactly am I doing as a missionary? I am not going to Belfast to convert Catholics into Protestants (yes, I’ve been asked that a lot). One of our lecturers put it best when he said that God’s mission is to restore community. My role will be to live in community with the residents in Belfast—to love and serve my neighbors, to eat in communion with them, to bring a neutral perspective to the violent situations they have faced. Furthermore, my job is to allow myself to be transformed. Realistically, what I am able to do in one year will be minimal. The real impact of my year of mission will be how it changes my heart so that when I return to the US, I am more aware of the injustices that exist and more passionate about doing my part throughout life to change the injustices I come across.

Sounds easy enough…………right. If you know me well, you will know that I’ve been sheltered my whole life, and because so, I am very optimistic and idealistic. Coming to orientation, if someone asked me if I was nervous at all, I could honestly answer no. If someone asked me at this moment however, this would be my answer: “No, I am not nervous. Rather, I am petrified to the point that I want to cry.” I knew that I would be working in an impoverished area in Belfast, but it never really hit me what that exactly meant until last night when I spoke with a former volunteer who lived and worked exactly in the locations I have been placed. It means that I will be living and working in an area where 25% of all violent deaths occur in the city, where a wall was built on top of a wall to prevent petrol bombs from being thrown over, where the unemployment rate is 40%, where the kids are infested with lice, where bricks and other objects have been thrown at volunteers who took the wrong street to work, where the majority of children are being raised in single parent homes, where alcoholism and drug abuse are ubiquitous, where there is growing discrimination against Asians, where there is little desire for peace, where the paramilitary police themselves with punishments often being acts of violence.

Yes, I am truly scared and unsure of my ability to love and serve in such a community. I ask for your continued thoughts and prayers because without support from my friends and family and the strength of God, I will not be able to get through this year.

My first post...a momentous occasion

2005-07-09T23:47:00.000+01:00

Blogs baffle me. I've always wondered why people pour out their random thoughts online for others to read, but I've finally given in! Because I'm going to be in limited communication with my family and friends in the States, I've decided to create a blogspot so people can read what I've been doing to keep myself busy.

On August 22, 2005, my adventure as a Presbyterian Church(USA) Young Adult Volunteer will begin. After a brief orientation in Chicago, I will head over to Belfast, Northern Ireland to begin my year of mission/volunteer work. I will be working both at the Crumlin Road Presbyterian Church, and at the Vine Community and Advice Centre. If you don't know much about Belfast, it is a city deeply affected by the"troubles" between its Protestant and Catholic citizens. While the violence has calmed down, the city is still very divided, and prejudice and hatred still run rampant.

There will be a total of seven YAV's in Belfast, but we will all be working at different places. I will be living in a house in north Belfast with two other YAVs--Kirk Johnston from Virginia, and Chris Pratt-Dannals from Florida. While I'm still not exactly sure what I have gotten myself into, I am very excited for this next year. I am excited to meet and work with people from very diverse backgrounds. I am excited to return to the UK--a region I came to love during my semester abroad in Scotland in 2003. I am excited to both challenge and strengthen my faith and relationship with God. I am excited to have the opportunity to travel. I am excited to have cider on tap at any local pub. I am excited for the opportunity to have this life-changing experience.